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The Land of Oz: College Football Scheming

Offensive strategy. Defensive formations. Special teams’ breakdowns. We could talk for hours about game plans, pass coverage, containment, spread offenses, coaching philosophy, out of conference scheduling, playoffs, and home field advantages.

But what fun is that? That’s what every football analyst does. 

No sir. Not this column. This is the important stuff. This is where we get into the nitty-gritty of what it’s all about.

This is the information that no one else will divulge for fear of losing some form of ridiculous manhood credibility. And it may be the most influential article relating to college football you will read this season. 

For if you can't WATCH the games, none of the analysis matters.  

Here is the deal: My significant other is not the biggest college football fan in the world. Conversely, I’ll watch any game that the satellite will beam into my living room. This creates a dilemma during the fall, when all she sees is my beautiful derriere planted in my favorite chair.  

So, to be fair in doing my part around the house and to make my football viewing worth her while, I absorb tasks that can be completed during the twelve or so hours of games on Saturday. Judge me as you will, but they are effective and it’s one more thing she gets to mark off of her list. Here are a few examples: 

Fold the laundry: Look, I know it’s not the manliest of assignments. But it progresses perfectly with the game: Fold a shirt. Watch a play. Fold some shorts. Watch a play. Granted, this process takes considerably longer. But that’s the idea. Extend the process=extend the viewing. And the end result makes everyone happy. 

Reconcile the bank statement: Same concept as the laundry. Check a line. Watch a play. And if you lose focus because of that random charge from Belk that you knew nothing about and are subsequently forced to seek out explanation, then rewind. This is the exact reason that God made the DVR. 

Play Jenga: Who says you can’t play with the kids and watch football at the same time? Jenga is the perfect coffee table game, and it sits nicely beside a beverage and the chips and salsa. Tower falls? Perfect. The kids love to stack them back up, which also serves as the perfect opportunity to sit back and relax. 

Multiple birds. One stone. College football schemes are as important in the home as they are on the field. Do your part and plot accordingly, and she’ll wish football was on all year. You’re welcome. 

I tweet insignificant things @ozborn34.           

Derek Osborn is the Executive Director of PRIDE of Tuscaloosa by trade and writer by hobby. He lives in Tuscaloosa with his wife, Lynn, and daughters Savannah and Anica.   

 

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Derek Osborn

Executive Director at PRIDE of Tuscaloosa, the only  non-profit agency in the Tuscaloosa area that informs and educates the parents, students, and community about the use and abuse of alcohol and drugs.

Website: www.prideoftuscaloosa.org/

Lake Tuscaloosa Living (LTL) is the premier community newspaper, covering the great people, places and activities of the area.

 

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